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Know When to Hold 'em - Trusting After Betrayal

When it comes to living out forgiveness and trusting after betrayal, I find much confusion. First, understand that "forgive and forget" doesn’t work. Healing takes time. We are layered individuals (Is. 28:10). Many times, healing from wounds has to be walked out over a period of time. Treating the person as if the wound never happened isn’t real life.

In real life, there is a time to reengage and a time to walk away. To tell the difference, two things are crucial: an open heart and an accurate view of the current reality. 

Deep wounds can challenge and even change our view of God. They can shake our foundation to the point where we don't believe He cares for us or will protect us. Life is no longer safe, and we believe that we must protect ourselves.

To have an open heart, we must have a right view of God and life. An open heart recognizes that there will be pain in this life but believes in the power of God to heal and redeem. An open heart does not fear pain (at least not at a high level!). Perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

The ultimate goal of the open heart is to be able to see and hear God clearly. If that happens and there is obedience to God's voice, healing will come, and the person will partner with God to bring life to a situation. If we have an open heart, we are in a much better place to assess current reality. We can see without a filter. We don’t start with the negative imprint of the past but are free to let our “Yes" be yes and our “No" be no. (Matthew 5:37)

If I am going to invest in a person, I want to assess whether or not there is a chance for a good outcome. To gauge this, I want to know the answer to one question: “Are you willing to do what it takes to get better?” If the answer is “yes,” I am willing to endure pain on the part of that person. If the answer is “no,” I am not willing to waste my time on something that will end badly. 

I am willing to risk and to suffer for positive outcomes. This is known as intercession. I am not willing to suffer on a fool’s mission. If a person comes to me saying he wants to get better but is not willing to let go of the thing that will cause him to continue to fail, I back off. I will not subject children or vulnerable individuals to someone who remains trapped in their sickness. There is a time to not forget.

This is forgiveness in real time. It’s messy, but it’s powerful. It brings transformation to us. As a tool of intercession, it brings transformation to others. Are you walking in a powerful lifestyle of forgiveness?


Trusting After Betrayal

Betrayal is one of the deepest of hurts, wounding inflicted by the actions of those closest to us. How do we move past the deepest of hurts to see the love and purpose God has for us? How do we learn to love and trust again? For more on this topic, check out this discussion from Heart Change U Live!


What's Next?

Heart Change U offers has a whole toolkit to encourage and support you in the walk toward Heart Change. Check it out:


HeartChangeU tools for Small Groups & Church Leaders

Heart Change U is an online training platform for Christian counselors, church elders, pastors, and those who seek to help influence others in healing and growing in His image. Developed through more than 15 years of helping addicts and alcoholics heal at a spiritual level from the wounds that cause their addictions, these proven tools and approaches are intended to equip you to walk with others through the Heart Change process in order to become the men and women of God He is calling them to be.


The Omega Project: Faith Based Residential Recovery Program

The Omega Project Christian addiction recovery program offers a community of discipleship homes where assistance is always available to help fight through the challenges of dysfunction so that men and women may find and be restored to their created purpose.

If you or someone you love is caught in the stronghold of addiction, there is hope in Christ! Reach out to The Omega Project.


Bring Heart Change to Your Church or Community




Ask us how to bring Heart Change to your congregation or community!

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