I have ministered to hundreds of highly dysfunctional men. I have yet to meet one person who didn’t have a deep yearning to make a positive impact on those around him.
If that is true, why have so many of these men chosen a destructive lifestyle? Everybody has a sweet spot. There is a place where “I am supposed to be good at this. My life should make a difference when I do this.” When people fail at “their” thing, they are quick to get down on themselves and to feel a great sense of failure. Along with the failure comes a high level of pain.
What I find is that most highly dysfunctional people are highly gifted in their “thing.” Greater gifting means a greater sense of failure when things go wrong, and then a greater experience of pain. High pain levels then lead to extreme responses, which lead to greater failure and greater pain.
Overcoming Burnout
When we believe that our greater level of gifting can and should win the battle for us, we are set up for failure. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (14:12). The place where people have the strongest sense of being right is the place of their gifting. The place where they are least likely to listen to others is in the area of their gifting. The place where people are most likely to blow it is in the place of their gifting.
It is truly death by chocolate. It is too much of a good thing. It is a person who pursues a place of worth without godly boundaries, without healthy input from God and others. The person created to be a nurturer thinks his family should be listening to him at a higher level than they do. In the end, his desire for control totally blows up his fathering attempts.
The servant keeps to himself and does his job, even taking on the jobs of others. Finally, he wears down. He is exhausted and angry because “no one noticed his work.” Never mind that a part of his natural tendency is to isolate and become totally absorbed in his work. Never mind that the minimal communication sets him up to receive little or no appreciation. He feels used, and he blows.
Our greatest strength is potentially our greatest weakness. The confidence we tend to have in ourselves in our area of gifting makes us not willing to listen to others in that area. When we are not willing to make a few minor changes, it can become a major blowup. Death by chocolate. We believe we are right... that we know how to handle things. Confidence in self makes us press our gift too far.
The first step in overcoming burnout is to identify where you judge yourself most harshly. That is your chocolate. It is your giftedness. Back off a step. Listen more. See what God can do with your chocolate.
What is my spiritual Gift?
What should I do with my life?
Does God have a purpose for me?
How can I know God's will for me — what to do and where to go?
The answer to these commonly asked questions can be found in the spiritual gifts in the Bible. This quiz will help you identify who you are and point you to some practical resources for stepping into God's design for you!
Take the online quiz from Heart Change U
Resources for Small Groups on Spiritual Gifts:
Greater Than - a Study of Spiritual Gifts will help you:
See yourself more clearly
Understand others and how they work
Have a greater awareness of how to walk in unity with others
Adjust the parts of yourself that could make you unhealthy
Connect with God in the supernatural
Relate to the different ways God speaks to different people
And much more …
Greater Than contains a number of questions and activities that will help you see the deeper part of who you are. How you respond to life is more of a response to your deeper passions than it is an issue of talent.
From new believers to those in church leadership, this book is a fantastic curriculum for small groups. Click here to learn more about bringing this edifying work to your church or community small group.
What's Next?
Heart Change U offers has a whole toolkit to encourage and support you in the walk toward Heart Change. Check it out:
HeartChangeU tools for Small Groups & Church Leaders
Heart Change U is an online training platform for Christian counselors, church elders, pastors, and those who seek to help influence others in healing and growing in His image. Developed through more than 15 years of helping addicts and alcoholics heal at a spiritual level from the wounds that cause their addictions, these proven tools and approaches are intended to equip you to walk with others through the Heart Change process in order to become the men and women of God He is calling them to be.
The Omega Project: Faith Based Residential Recovery Program
The Omega Project Christian addiction recovery program offers a community of discipleship homes where assistance is always available to help fight through the challenges of dysfunction so that men and women may find and be restored to their created purpose.
If you or someone you love is caught in the stronghold of addiction, there is hope in Christ! Reach out to The Omega Project.
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SMALL GROUP COURSES
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IMMERSIVE RETREATS
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